FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
