he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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