i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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