I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
