Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
