wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
