I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
