whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
