..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
