dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
