he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize