You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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