Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize