Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just found puke in my bra..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize