I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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