My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My feet surprised me
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