Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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