Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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