Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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