so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
