peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
