just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
