He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
