she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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