well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
