i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You are a genius and a whore.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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