I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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