We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize