She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
