Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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