when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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