she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
