Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
