I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But break dance skills will only take you so far
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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