This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize