Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
