Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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