you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
