How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
