I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
