she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
