I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize