I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
