Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
