I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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