I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Girls should come with a carfax report
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
