but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
