Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
