found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
