I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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