i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
