You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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