the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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