come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
