im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
