i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize