Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
