he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
