Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Are we still banned from the library?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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