I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
