it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
