Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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