You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
