so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
