I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
