You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
