We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My bed smells like the plague
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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