HIV tests are more positive than that guy
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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