She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
