she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
