after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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