Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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