This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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