It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
