3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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