I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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