Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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