i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
