What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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