I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
