OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
this just has baby written all over it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you inspire me to be a worse person
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
