Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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