Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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