so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
