Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
