i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
