dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
