I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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