i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize