I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
