I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
