the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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