Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
