dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
