I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize