**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
