I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
