yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
