i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
