i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
